What do we expect? Stop giving kids an out.

How many of us would quit if we thought we had the option?

So often in the world of education we hear the phrase “high expectations.” Teachers are meant to have high expectations in their classroom–  rigorous, challenging assignments to keep kids engaged and progressing. High expectations in the realm of the classroom are very important, for sure, but what about high expectations outside of the classroom? What about high expectations for life?

My first year teaching, I worked at an Innovation school that was meant to turn around the results of one of the city’s worst performing schools. During the opening assembly and, really, every assembly, the principal would stand up in front of our students and immediately point out how many of them would be dropouts if we kept going on the same trajectory as other schools in the building. Though these speeches were meant to convince the kids that their path could be different, this method shocked me every time. Without fail, we’d get back to the classroom afterward and I’d have a couple of kids go, “That’s gonna be me, miss!”

When a kid commits suicide, a school community is really not supposed to commemorate them in any way. No statues, no planting of trees, no assemblies. The point is that if you give that student extra attention then more students will think about suicide as a viable option for them. Why isn’t the same idea practiced when it comes to dropouts?

Attending these assemblies always made me think back to my own experience in high school. I don’t think we were EVER told en masse about dropout statistics. Dropping out was never even given to us as an option. I knew a couple of kids who dropped out, sure, but they were the overwhelming minority. We were expected to finish high school. Hell, we were expected to finish college, too.

I just recently proctored PSATs at the school where I currently work. Leading up to the test, the students who had signed up to take it were described as the “high achievers” and the “best and brightest.” This stood out to me because I seem to recall that taking the PSATs was an expectation. It was not some external thing to sign up for, it was something that every junior was expected to take (if you took it as a sophomore, you were just being proactive). I never questioned it. In fact, I would have questioned the decision not to take them a lot more.

I’ll admit that I went to high school in a pretty affluent community, but that should not make a difference on this issue. I knew many people, myself included, who did not come from wealthy families and were, in fact, first generation college students. A few of the charter school systems around my city are already pushing this expectation. Kids are not expected to just graduate high school, they are expected to graduate college. College banners hang on the walls, and college is a part of the daily conversation. Most of the kids they serve qualify as “underserved,” “at-risk,” “inner city youth,” whatever the current correct term is. The vast majority qualify for free and reduced lunch. What do you know? Their numbers for college acceptance and matriculation are staggering.

There is an old motivational quote from Les Brown, “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.” We’ll ignore, for a moment, that the moon is actually much easier to reach than the stars, and instead focus on the intended meaning. I ended up at a four-year private university, but due to the expectations set upon me by my high school, I still feel a little embarrassed that I didn’t attend somewhere more prestigious. I’m not saying this is the right way to feel necessarily, but I am saying that if kids are reaching for college graduation, even if they don’t end up making it, they will probably get a little farther than if the extent of what they were expected to do was graduate high school. Maybe kids will attend community college, maybe they will go to trade school, perhaps they will join the army, but the idea is that their development does not stop at their high school diploma, and they know that.

Now is time for my disclaimer. I know that college is not the right path for everyone. I know there are people who will pursue other careers and avenues and be fully successful adults. There are also plenty of people that I knew in high school who still haven't pursued much of anything despite the expectations set for them. The high school where I currently work has an excellent welding program, and for some kids that path is a killer option. Every kid is good at different things, and that should be celebrated. I’m not saying the paths that don’t end in college should be considered shameful at all, but I don’t think it hurts anyone to be told that the expectations of them go far beyond high school.

Delivering the message to large groups of teenagers (who biologically are not the best at recognizing consequences anyway) that dropping out is even an option does not set them up for success. High expectations should not stop at the classroom door (or in some cases, the doors of teacher education programs), high expectations should be upheld throughout. If we stop buzzing in their ear about the kids that have dropped out before them, maybe students will stop even thinking of it as an option and more will choose perseverance over surrender.

Child-free? Child-less? Child-full? What's the problem?

Not that I keep current on this blog at all, but anyone who reads it regularly will notice that I often only write when I read something that bugs me or ticks me off. It is probably true that I do not write well unless I am fired up, which is why I fail at blogging regularly. I read another one of those articles today, and the issue involved (much like the issue of whether or not a woman should change her name or not when she gets married), got me a little salty. It is one of those things that the fact that we are even debating it, that it has even been given media attention, just blows my mind. I know often there are cultural or familial reasons why people feel pressured into living their lives a certain way, and that is up to them and the way they navigate those relationships. On a societal level, however, these kinds of choices should not make a difference to anybody not involved, and furthermore, the people in question should not have to feel self conscious about those choices.

The issue at hand today is whether or not a grown-ass person decides to have children. The article allegedly is talking about humans, but shockingly just focuses on women.

The article in question : Having it all Without Having Children - Lauren Sandler (Time Magazine)

           The question that always comes to my mind when I read something like this is: Why does everything have to be a THING? Everyone is on the defensive, all the time, and every aspect of life becomes this THING to ruminate on, and hate humankind about because “how dare they assume such things?” or “how dare they be so judgy of such and such type of people?” I feel like so often it’s pretty much just a case of middle school blues. This group of people, some subset of society, feels this overwhelming self-consciousness that people are judging and whispering and hating, when in reality, everyone is too busy dealing with their own garbage. The beauty of where and when we live is that by and large, we can be whomever we want to be, and do whatever we’d like to do (within moral limits and legality, of course). I don’t think there is anything wrong with not having children, nor is there anything wrong with changing your name when married (or not!). We fight for this equality, but then instead of standing tall, pursuing it, and looking it in the eye, we are constantly coming out with articles that essentially say, “It’s okay that we do this, isn’t it? You should really think it’s okay… Please think it’s okay.” Just do it. Own it. Live your excellent life and prove yourself by doing, not by saying.

The title of this article would make you think it is talking about childless humans, but clearly it cuts right to the point of childless women. "Why are they so judged?" the article wonders. These women have so many more options based on fertility and adoption, so maybe they are scorned more due to these opportunities. A spotlight is put upon those that are childless (or childfree), whether they have chosen it or not. It’s all very powerful, stating that we can do whatever the hell we want, and why are we expected, as women, to bear children? Funny thing is, no one is forcing ladies to be mothers, at least not yet (though, to be fair, if I ever decided to not have kids, I would hear it from my mother). Women are expected to bear children from an evolutionary point of view. Perhaps that is where these poor sods come from when they ask insensitive questions. Most of the time, it doesn’t make them assholes, it just makes them people who haven’t been touched by the various emotions connected to the commitment of a childfree life.  

Of course, the article comes down to talking about men vs. women, and how women have a smaller amount of childbearing years than men. The article basically mentions how during those years, childless women might as well be wearing a scarlet A since they are such aberrations. Men can sire children into their senior years, so no one pressures them.  The article then brings up lesbian couples who are under “equal pressure” to have kids based on the fact that they are both women in the childbearing age range. Naturally, they don’t mention gay males (penises don’t make parents, after all!).  This I found a little insulting, as I am pretty sure I ask myself similar questions regarding my committed gay male friends as I do about friends who have one or more woman in their relationship. “Are they planning on having kids?” I wonder. Of course, you can’t ask anyone that these days, but I wonder it equally.

I think the basic point of the article was to point out humanity’s flaw in simply expecting people to have children. What the article did instead was shine a spotlight on the poor kid in middle school with the glasses who wanted nothing else but to remain in the dark. The kid who didn't know that there’s nothing wrong with glasses and that one day they’d even be considered sexy. Though this article comes from a place of support, I think it first has to imply there’s something wrong with not having kids before saying there is something wrong with those who expect it.  I don’t think the assumptions society makes about whether or not someone is going to have children come from a bad place; after all, it is a primal instinct to want to propagate the species. So maybe instead of making those assumers out to be villainous, we just show them how to be sensitive. It is true that we do not know people’s circumstances and there can be a lot of pain behind someone’s child-full or child-less status. Sometimes people aren’t aware of this, however, until they or someone they love has been touched by it. So, let’s be sensitive in our assumptions people, and help those who aren't sensitive to understand why they need to be. Though one thing that is clear is that whether you choose to have children, or not; whether you choose to adopt, or not, none of these things make you any less human. There are so many children (and teenagers, and adults, and seniors) that need love on this earth already, each of us can find our contributing place in the world without creating a new one. Admittedly, I personally feel the need to breed one day, but some of the most influential adults in my life were and still are childless, and my life would have been VERY different (read: lacking) without them. 

Awesome. I have seen countless students whose first language is Spanish run with fear from any text IN Spanish.

Upworthy - "Teaching children in this awful way is like helping a person who is on fire by drowning them."

Who is responsible for all these useless liberal arts graduates?

**These thoughts were inspired by this article: Hipsters on Food Stamps, which is very, very long and goes on to talk about a myriad of things, including the epidemic of liberal arts educated “hipsters” who are now on food stamps. As anything written by a human, you must sift through and find your own gems. Some of it is interesting, some boring, some agreeable, some of it head-shake inducing. (Hopefully also true of anything written by this human below).

         The above article began by calling out an English major (hi, that’s me) for having the audacity to major in something as useless as English and expect to get a job afterward. Problem is, when I applied to college, and attended, there WERE jobs for English majors. The economy was such that the skills I learned (mainly the art of BSing) were still considered valuable. Critical thinking was an important skill to have. Four years into my real adult life, however, companies downsized, some of us got laid off, and now we find ourselves many years out of college, beyond grad school (just as useless), and utterly unemployable.

                  I have been trying for months to get a job being a “college advisor” for students, specifically first-generation students. These are students who, like me, are the first in their families to go to college. Here’s the thing about first-generation college students though, and why a position like “college advisor” is even necessary: we do NOT know what we are doing. We haven’t the faintest idea what qualities are important in an institution of higher education. All we know is that we’ve got to go. In order to do better than our parents before us (or even as good as, these days), we need to go to college. We don’t know what majors to choose; we only know what we were good at in high school. We are 17 years old and have no idea what the job market is like, or which majors are fluff and which majors may eventually pay out. We don’t even really have a concept of what college even costs and that we will be paying for it for most of our adult lives (student loan payouts may as well be made of Monopoly money). This is why it is important for people who have been there, done that to be there, and tell that to high school students looking to go to college. We first gens don't know any of these important things, and after graduating, getting a job, feeling awesome, but getting laid off... we don't know what the hell to look for in graduate school either. We just don't know. We have no experience to work from, and then we end up $86K in the hole (which is actually less than a lot of people), and have NOTHING to show for it.

According to the above article, maybe both?

         As it suggests in the title, the article above is focused on “hipsters.” I am not a hipster (and I'm not even saying that in the way that actual hipsters are supposed to deny their hipsterdom, because once admitting you are a hipster, you are not a hipster anymore – or that sort of thing), I am a normal human who tries not to be TOO pretentious about my interests, and I don't say I am into certain things to gain street cred. However, as an unemployed person with a liberal arts degree who can't get a job, I feel that this article is aimed partially at me. This article mentions these on-the-dole, drains on society not taking jobs they don't want, and I will say that I have applied to MANY, MANY jobs that I don't want. I've done my best smoke-blowing in cover letters (English major BS skills at work), and those people STILL will not hire me. Trust me, I will do anything to glean even a fraction of the self-worth I felt at my first post-college job with the 401k, health insurance and vacation time. Oh, the rent paying was nice too. 

         This article hit me a little too close to home. In the past seven months of fervent job applying, I've been wondering: what ARE my skills? What CAN I do? What DO I bring to the table? I lament, because had I stayed in publishing, I would have built up innumerable skills related to a specific trade. But I got laid off. I decided to travel the world, figure myself out. I wanted to answer the question, “What would make me feel more fulfilled than sitting in a cubicle?” The answer was NOT completing a Master's Degree that taught me far less than the $60+K I paid for it, followed by getting a new, terrifying, and challenging job where my supervisor felt the need to tear me down to try to salvage his broken ego instead of giving me any constructive feedback. Then, after leaving that job and refusing to be bullied, I became even MORE unhirable due to a red flag now on my resume that doesn't mean what people think it means. It is also incredibly difficult to explain away that red flag when I am not given the chance to interview (society is essentially telling me to lie on my resume, which I do not want to do). None of that is more fulfilling than sitting in a cubicle and being given the chance to create something, I guarantee it. Yes, the grass is always greener, and especially with me. But, come on. While I could never regret my travels,

Take this back? Not on your life. 

I do find it regrettable that I am 30 years old, with a Masters degree, and I am not even qualified to earn half of what I earned at my first job out of college.

         In "Hipsters on Food Stamps," the author goes on to state that many of us, students and parents alike, were tricked by the system – the system that tells us that higher education is worth at all what we’ve paid for it. We have definitely been tricked. My anger at higher education is palpable; at least at the fact that we have this product, one of the most expensive products out there (barring, maybe, a home), and there is absolutely no system for holding it accountable. Accredited is accredited, and there is no way, as an applicant, to hear the real-life reviews from the people who came before you. Sure, you can talk to a panel of students who were picked by the university based on the chances of them giving a favorable review, but you'll never hear from someone who was less than thrilled with the product they received. We are being duped time and time again into buying into this "higher education," which may or may not provide anything other than very expensive busy work.  

         I believe in college. I believe in what it was originally intended to do, and I especially believe in it so far as it is necessary for continuing human socialization. It is often easy to pick out the people who went to college and those who didn't just by conversation or mannerisms. Learning to socialize appropriately with fellow humans is important. If it weren't so damn expensive, I would also believe in the liberal arts education, because I do believe critical thinking is essential. However, going to college is so unbelievably costly, one should be able to say they are going to get some of that back when it's all said and done. Those heading into college should have all the facts about the majors they may choose and how those will look after they graduate.

         Education, when it was invented, was for all the right reasons. It was for the betterment of self and society, THINKING about the world – why it is the way it is and how we can make it better, and studying history so we are not doomed to repeat it. Now, education is business, and there is nothing to keep that business in check. Higher education is about selling a product to a consumer, and whether that is reasonable or not, I'll save for another time. If this is the case, and higher education is, in fact, for profit, then the commodity it supplies should be quality controlled. There should be a system of checks and balances. When someone goes to buy a house, they hire an inspector. When someone wants to buy a car, a computer, or even a phone, often that person will check reviews, ask their friends, and compile facts and opinions about which item will fit best in their lives. We check the quality of all of these purchases, yet will pay thousands upon thousands of dollars for a product that the only information we have about it was given to us by the “company” itself. I have fallen victim to this scheme twice now, and millions of people continue to fall for it. We need to wake the hell up.

         A liberal arts degree, while enjoyable and sometimes mind-opening, doesn’t seem to hold value in our world today. Critical thinking is no longer valued in this society the way it once was. If you do not learn some marketable skill in college, you will not be able to find a job in this economy. Similarly, in elementary and high schools, critical thinking is often thrown to the wayside in favor of memorizing facts so students can get a certain score on a test. I believe this will come back to bite us, because sometimes unpredictable things happen and without critical thinking, we will not have the tools to persevere. That is not to put down the skill-based degree. That is a choice that we are all given at the beginning of our undergraduate careers, and it is an important one as we all are skillful in different ways. However, as I look back on my experience with higher education, and reflect on my current job-hunting experiences, I find myself wishing that I had chosen a more “useful” degree. Both times. Though, as the author of the above article said, “the 30 year old chose his pointless major when he was 17 and you think the outcome is all his fault?  A 17 year old can kill two people and still be considered too young to be criminally responsible.” We are forced to make these life-altering decisions when we are too young to be charged for committing a heinous crime. Ask anyone out there with a tramp-stamp or other regrettable tattoo, 18 is too young to be making some important decisions all by yourself.  

         Unlike the “hipsters” in this article, I do WANT to be a productive member of society. I WANT to contribute something (with any luck something more than superficial) to the betterment of the world. However, I am realizing, after a master's degree, that I am trained for dick-all. At the age of 30, I am seemingly either unqualified or too-qualified. I know what I would be great at, but apparently I do not know how to articulate that in a way that would make employers see past this alleged “red flag” that really just means “stood up for herself, her students, and her sanity.” So, now come the options. Do I attend even more useless school (um, no)? How do I make myself marketable again? As a first-generation college student, maybe the world is proud that I “did it,” I “beat the odds.” But maybe, if I had known what I was doing, if I had someone who had already done it helping me along the way, maybe I’d be in less of a pickle. Maybe I’d be doing more for society than daydreaming about the jobs I believe I should have and bellyaching because no one will hire me. They can say that those of us with liberal arts degrees wasted our time (and money), and maybe we did, but I think we had the right idea about what it was we wanted to learn. Now we just have the struggle of figuring out how to make it applicable in a skills-based world.

Drowning victims have a hard time rescuing other drowners..

...unsure what Calvin and Hobbes has to do with Jim Rohn, but I appreciate the sentiment. Too often we encounter those who believe the best way to honor others is to sacrifice themselves. As they say on airplanes, put the oxygen mask on yourself before you put help someone else put theirs on. You're no good to anyone if you're not breathing.

From the mouths of babes..

"Was your break relaxing miss? You look so happy and refreshed today. Unlike before break when you used to drag yo ass in here like an old woman." 

- student commenting on my return from my month-long December break. 

McMaturity?

I have long been an admitted fast-food lover. It has always been a guilty pleasure of mine, and I've tried my hardest to not be embarrassed by it (though there was this one time in Spain, having gotten back from a trip with friends, where I waited for them to walk out of the train station so I could turn around and have some McDs without them knowing. Sad fact.)

Last night, I realized it had been some weeks since I have had McDonald's. I was pretty proud of this, as I usually get creepy-cravings pretty regularly. However, boyfriend had brought home McD "snacks," which put it on my radar again. Not having much in my house to eat, I walked there for lunch today. 

Guess what? I was not very satisfied!! I felt gross and bleh and blargh after eating it. How exciting! Normally I shovel that stuff down with a sick satisfaction, but, not today! Could it be? Could I really be getting over McDonald's? I mean, I'm definitely not cured (mmmm Wendy's Spicy Chicken...), but if I could wipe McD's from my list, that would definitely be progress. At least when I get Wendy's Spicy Chicken, I can tell it's real chicken breast... I don't even want to go into what the last chicken sandwich I got at McDonald's looked like... barf. 

Smiling's my favorite

So, I am watching Ellen, because, you know, that's what people do when they are unemployed.

And she calls this girl up from the audience and asks her "What do you like to do?" and this broad grins and says, "I like to smile."

No, no no. The question was, "What MAKES you smile?"... or do you just walk around all day smiling about nothing, not deriving any joy from anything? Gah!

Don't get me wrong, kiddos, I'm all about smiling. Smiling's the best. However, you smile because something is making you happy. So, when someone asks you what you like to do, it generally means, what do you do that makes you smile. HellO. This is more evidence that people haven't been taught to look below the surface of things. Think about the WHY people. You don't just like to smile, I promise. There is more to it than that, I hope.

This nature is soooo boring.

So, I've seen this commercial a few times, and it always strikes me as odd.

The first line says, "This is Finding Nemo while getting lost in the woods," and shows children watching Finding Nemo on a tablet while on a camping trip. Am I the only one disconcerted by this?

(The original clip I posted here was taken off YouTube, it might happen again...)

We live in an increasingly technological society, and I am as addicted to technology as the next guy, but I'm pretty sure if we need a tablet to get us through a camping trip or a hike, we have a huge problem. I commend these fictional parents for even taking the time to take their kids into the wilderness, but sticking them on a log with a cartoon to watch is no different than sticking them on a couch in front of a TV. I'm a little surprised that Xfinity would even go this route. As technology becomes more a part of our day-to-day lives, as a society we find ourselves needing to put more effort into finding moments of reflection. Children are especially susceptible because they want to have the best gadgets and can get completely sucked in by the bells and whistles. As adults who are raising children, we need to be conscious that they get their time outside, that they are able to develop who they are away from a screen so that they are smarter about how they interact with technology when it's appropriate.

Even as an adult who makes all her own choices, I find myself reading less. I have always been an avid reader, yet still, since I caved and got a smartphone, I read less. I used to read on buses, trains, planes, in waiting rooms; any time that I had a few minutes to spare, I was reading. Now that I have my smartphone, before I pull out my book, I check to see if I have any moves to make on any of the games where I am competing with friends to roll dice or find words or whatever is the game of the moment. It's super lame, reading is so much better, but I gravitate towards the stupid games because they are easier.

The point of the story is, we spend so much time in front of a screen, when we actually do go into the woods, out onto the water, or into nature in general, we should put the technology away and experience the actual world around us (and the people, there are real people out there!). I'm sure as a parent, it is easier to distract an antsy kid with a glowing screen, but sometimes it's better to let them get bored enough to find a way to entertain themselves, the old fashioned way.

Tell me what to read. Do it.

I love book lists. I love lists in general. In fact, I love anything that neatly places an easy-to-peruse selection in front of my eyes so that I don't have to put in any of that dreaded effort into finding something suitable (this is why TJMAXX and Marshall's shopping doesn't work for me. All those hodge-podged racks!?!? *Shudder*).

So that's something we will be seeing a lot of here. Lists that hail from the internet.

Here is the first of many:

Shalom Auslander's top 10 comic tragedies

"'They give birth astride of a grave,' wrote Samuel Beckett, 'the light gleams an instant, then it's night once more.' He was only half-right; he left out the part about there being banana peels on the ground beside the grave, so that from the moment we are born, we slip, and drop our coffee, and everyone points at us and laughs, and then there's a Holocaust, and then, and only then, is it dark once more."

I always say, "There's so much horror in the world, if we can't find a way to laugh at it, we're doomed" (Or something like that, I promise I can be more eloquent). Looks like this guy agrees. I love his tone and now, consequently, I want to read his book. 

*Also, a slight shout out. I love The Guardian. Half of what I stumble across and enjoy on the internet ends up being within its frothy pages. Here's to The Guardian, and may they continue to entertain and inform me for the rest of my days... or at least until we all quit the internet because something cooler comes up.

A Reader's Question

How am I going to balance keeping up with Young Adult novels while also forging forward with all my personal, adult reading selections?

vs. 

It's hard enough at the moment to find the time to pleasure read the book I've been reading (A Storm of Swords - Book #3 in George R.R. Martin's series, A Song of Ice and Fire... so good!). Tips? Does finding reading time get easier after grad school?

How many identities?

I'm beginning to realize that through the eyes of my students, I will start to see myself in many different ways.

For example, when I was teaching ninth grade, one student dubbed me "Ms. Pretty." Who's going to complain about that!?

Now that I am teaching middle school, however, things are a little different. From one student I heard:

"Ms., you're goofy."
"Goofy?"
"Yea, you laugh too much."

Another semi-compliment. I don't see anything wrong with laughing too much. But that's nothing compared with what I heard from another student. My first day in the class, a student—let's call him Jerry—says to me:

"You know, miss, you remind me of.... you remind me of one of those little people."
"Excuse me?"
"You remind me of a little person."
"A little person?"
"Yea, you know, a midget."
"WHAT?! A midget? ... Jerry, how about you stand up and we'll see who's a midget (seventh graders are small)."
"Well, not in looks, obviously, but in personality."

Obviously.

I figured it was a fluke, until the next time I saw Jerry and he decided that since he already pinpointed my personality, it was time he took a stab at my looks:

"Miss, you know what you look like?"
"What?"
"You look like one of the gnomes from Gnomeo & Juliet. Doesn't she? Doesn't she guys!?"

You think so??

The surrounding students couldn't help but agree.

Clearly, according to Jerry and pals I am akin to some sort of whimsical creature. Not sure if I should be flattered or concerned.

I feel like Bill Cosby over here. Kids say the darnedest things!

To teach, perchance to dream.

Aye, there's the rub.

So I did it. After years of being scared to commit, I realized I wouldn't find anything that could possibly fit me better and I took the leap. I took the leap hard. I entered into a teacher education graduate program, because the most expensive way to do something is always the best, clearly.

Driving across the country mainly looks like this. 

This decision came with a lot of consequences. I moved across the country and I started a new life, in almost every conceivable way. I signed on for a significant amount of new debt. I met some amazing people, not the least of which were the students I ended up teaching. The kids I don't see anymore, I miss terribly; the kids I now see regularly, I adore getting to know. I feel this will be a trend that will continue for the entirety of my career. You see, the kids are why I do this. Every day is different, exciting, hilarious, challenging. There's no competing with it.

More than anything, I find that between my eye-opening experiences in the classroom and my immense frustrations as a consumer of an education where I don't always feel I'm getting my money's worth, I've got a lot to say. Not to mention concerning the life that's getting lived between the lines. Hopefully some of what I have to say will be valuable to aspiring teachers, aspiring students or aspiring life-livers. If not, then I guess I'll just talk to the wall.

In the meantime, here's a video I was introduced to by some high school seniors presenting a project on Hamlet. Pretty succinct, if you ask me (except, of course the slightly anti-semitic undertones).